15 Dec Is Vulnerability a weakness for men or a strength

What do you think about this topic?

For me it is so appalling that today in our society men are not allowed to be vulnerable: we can’t be weak. We have to be strong. All the time! Never allowed to show our feelings or emotions, right? This is such a heavy burden on our shoulders that it completely fucks up our inner guidance.

Weird isn’t? And I think this is actually one of the biggest issues on earth today. As men, we feel so much pressure to behave in a specific, mostly virile way that our head and heart quickly become completely screwed up and messed up.

Honestly, it destroys our self- confidence, self-esteem and self-love from a very early age. It pushes us in a very ego power focused way and freezes us from becoming true warm-blooded human beings with real hearts! But hold on a minute! This is quite extreme, right? I stigmatise a little bit. Anyway…

We are constantly bombarded by superficial and irrelevant information, shitty alpha-male stuff like pornography and war, addictions to alcohol, drug, money or the who- will-fuck-the-most-women contest! Future generations are seriously in trouble if we do not start to educate them NOW and teach them how to express their emotions and open their heart! Seriously we are massively fucked up!

I really invite you to read my last article about  Sex & Love Addictions, Insights From The Russell Brand’s Tv Show I was invited to.

Gosh! Whatta man whatta man whatta man!!!!!

“You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability – Brene Brown”

Before continuing let me share with you a bit of my story. I honestly don’t think you can do more alpha male silly stuff than this. I was born in the1980s, in a very normal average family, where emotions were not often tolerated or recognised. I followed a very average path, was a good boy (at least I tried), used to play football (that was fun by the way, until my coach got ahead of himself and put pressure on us to win each game, honestly what’s wrong with people!). I went to school, until one day I said to my teacher: “well, something doesn’t make sense. How come people who lived thousands of years ago were able to build the greatest pyramids and today we have no idea how to do it even with all the technology we have!” Or better: “will square 5 be truly helpful in my life sir?” Or: “I better learn how to love myself, how to invest in myself with great entrepreneur skills and communications skills on personal growth etc.” just to be told to shut the fuck up, graduate, find a job, pay my taxes and then maybe I will be able to speak my truth, if I succeed in life… Bloody hell! What a way to see life, right?!

But obviously, as a great Starseed, I would already sense something was wrong with all this shit, but I guess I was not yet aware enough to be able to change anything. So at the age of 20, after 3 years of volunteering as a firefighter, I was recruited by the French Secret Services to become an agent: a commando in the Special Forces.

There you go: you can’t do more extreme Alpha Male than that! COMMANDO! Rambo and Schwarzenegger in one man!

So let me tell you something, 5 years later, after thousands of bullets shot with all the weapons that exist in this world, playing with C4, Semtex, Plastic (demolition), walking for hours on end and fucking more hours during the night, spending endless days of training without food or only tiny rations, sometimes sharing a meal between three, rough sleeping outside, on the ground, in the cold, in the mountains, hiding from invisible enemies, freezing in the snow or dying in the baking heat, carrying heavy bags with our gear, ropes, night vision, chest loaded with grenades, cartridge clips, radio, our gun, after all that shit…

And more James Bond shit: hours of helicopter, extraction, skydiving, diving, crossing frozen fucking rivers, being humiliated, tortured, losing friends at war, being so completely brainwashed that you start believing you don’t deserve anything better in your life, that actually it is a privilege for you to die for your country as a hero of the nation, for fucking corrupt politicians, and you realise that people have actually no idea about what is really going on outside of media mainstream TV, well, after all these things, trust me, there is nothing more Alpha male stuff that you can do…

And after all of that, you just realise, well, being a man sucks. And: there is something wrong.

The game is over – the system is broken dude…

Realising that, unfortunately, and fortunately, I started to experience a deep awakening in my heart, a spiritual revolution within myself and I started to shift perspectives, change my ways. This little voice inside myself wasn’t any more whispering but shouting at me “Wake Up Little Ben Ben!” So when you even bored yourself with your own bullshit stories, then you let go that shit and opt for a life with authenticity and integrity! No more hiding, no more excuses, no more ego power!

It is hard, let’s be honest, it’s really hard. It’s a daily conflict with ourselves. I realised that emotions were the roots of all this conflict, fears the fuel of all this shit, the fear of being vulnerable and allowing our emotions to show up and that recognition with a huge desire of approbation is the drive of all our behaviours … Army fucked me up, seriously, by simply allowing me to recognise how fucked up I already was from a lack of unconditional love from mummy and daddy, and obviously serious wounds from childhood – right!

So, that said, how about vulnerability!?

Well, today, I can truly say, with confidence, that my capacity to open my heart and be naked in all circumstances in my life is a real strength. The simple great reason is that when I’m naked, there is nothing more to hide, nothing more to fear about. I speak my truth, this is me, here are my insecurities, here is what I love, here is what I’m afraid of… So, now what? What can be worse man… I am already naked! What can be worse!

I remember I was a big fan of Eminem and in 8miles, his movie, at the end during the battle he completely opens himself to the public by sharing all his shame, guilt and all his failure. He ends the battle by saying “tell them something about me they don’t already know…”

Of course being vulnerable is not about the ego or saying: well fuck off! This is me, this is it blah blah blah and vibrating with these energies of conflict or setting myself up for challenges, dares and such like nonsense.

No. For me it’s really about simply taking a big breath, acknowledging my feelings and emotions, sharing with peace and trusting how I feel in the now. Then letting go…

So to really understand the question, is vulnerability a strength or a weakness, I really believe, vulnerability is the beauty of life because it connects us at a deeper soul level in our relationships and our friendships.
Yes it is hard and it is scary, but in a way, vulnerability serves to release us from the heavy burden we, men, have been carrying for several millennia within the collective consciousness of humankind.

Being a man today in our society, in my understanding, is not anymore about strong muscles, big cars, excessive sexual prowess or a fat bank account…

This is not what women are looking for. And I would like to share those words from my dear sister Danielle, she posted something on facebook like:
“Make no mistakes my dear ladies. As we know, every woman wants a man who will put her first, support her and love her endlessly, but the question is: are you willing to do the same?
Are you willing to love him unconditionally and continue to love him even when he shuts you out?
Do you have the patience and the strength to withstand the storms and break down his steel walls? Because your man is wounded and hurt and scared to open himself up.
It’s easy to love someone when they are well behaved and already polished, but the real reward is when your love has the power to transform a soul, the power to inspire a man to morph from what he once was into a devoted, kind-hearted, loving, gentleman”.

I know it’s hard, I know it’s scary, right?
But fuck yeah! I will do it! This is what I keep telling myself. There is no way I will return to my old patterns. No way! I saw the light and now I want to keep moving forward to the light.

Make no mistakes, enlightenment is a long delicate and difficult path if you dare to choose it, of course, I cry. I cry when I’m sad, I cry when it’s hard, I cry when I feel abandoned, I cry because I feel lonely… But I don’t give up because I know how beautiful it is to feel free.

Don’t be a spiritual person, just be free

I keep opening my heart to her, even though I’m scared – and remember, opening your heart is not about giving away your power, no, it’s about bringing back your power, taking your responsibilities. It’s about empowering yourself with the divine and higher spirit of love.

And ladies, if you can manage that, then trust me your man ain’t going nowhere. Both of you guys, recognise the beauty in a woman, in a man, the goddess and the god, the perfect divine creation, the breath of life, in each of you.

Love is all we need

Man, what is the benefit of being a douchebag when your loved one is trying to express herself and her fears?
What is the benefit of being a dick and not showing your emotions when you feel insecure or sad, or hurt? You want to be the alpha male of the family – this is it, men are not weak! Shuuuut uuuup man!

What is the benefit of teaching your kids to become so rigid that no emotions can touch them anymore?

Tell me, man, what is the benefit of being so firm or seeking revenge when she hurts you, or drinking and killing yourself with alcohol and drugs, what is the benefit of all these things? I don’t get it seriously. What is the benefit of humiliating someone when you are with your friends, simply to look cool, pushed by your ego, constantly competing?!

Tell me, man, what’s the benefit of all this stuff? Respect? Showing that you are a real man? What is the benefit of hooking with a woman and treating her like a piece of meat? Think: this could be your daughter, sister, cousin etc.

What is the benefit of being rude to people? Enlighten me because I truly don’t get it.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I believe vulnerability has the power to change our world. And the same applies to women too: what is the benefit of being such a bitch to your man, especially when he is trying to open his heart?

So guys, before acting like an asshole, think twice about the consequences of your actions, because you will break her heart, so find the strength to leave your ego and pride in your pocket and act with kindness, be lovely and understand that we are all seeking the same thing: LOVE.

So please, I implore you, work on your emotions, work on your feelings, fears and insecurities, work on your communications skills, compassion and tolerance, because it’s always about you, it always starts with you and always returns to you. You are your point of attraction.

And your relationships are here to heal you, so let the beauty of life unfold, heal yourself, heal your heart, return to your essence and be ready to die, my friend… Let the Phoenix do its duty.

Life is a process of transformation, a beautiful experience, let yourself transmute all those negative emotions, open your heart to the divine essence of love, become a spiritual warrior my brother and make your vulnerability your strength!

After 30years, 29countries and travelling all around the world, I finally admit to this conclusion:
“The only way out is through”

Aho

May the force be with you.

Benjamin